


Triggered In Violet

by Scripturience



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble Collection, Ficlet Collection, Ficlets, M/M, Slice of Life, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 16,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scripturience/pseuds/Scripturience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of short and mostly unrelated stories. Some will be taken from my tumblr, others will just be things that are too short to stand on their own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Petrichor

**Author's Note:**

> Blame [Colorfulcheshire ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulCheshire/pseuds/colorfulCheshire) for this. She was the one who coerced me into creating this thing.

Kankri sighed, crossing his arms. He had been waiting outside the campus library for almost 15 minutes. Cronus being late was nothing new. Though for some reason, today it bothered him more than usual. Maybe it was just the dreary weather making him feel listless. 

He had been taking shelter under a decorative awning from the downpour that ended mere moments ago. Now, there was only a light, chilled breeze that carried the scent of fresh spring rain across the grounds. 

Kankri looked up from the dampened bench he was sitting on at the sound of hurried footsteps approaching him. He watched with an amused smirk, as Cronus Ampora sprinted towards him through the puddle laden parking lot, clutching something he couldn’t quite make out from where he was sitting. 

"….Kanny," he huffed, out of breath by the time he finally reached his destination. 

Kankri waited for him to catch his breath before asking any questions. 

Cronus extended his arms, presenting his boyfriend with a soaking wet bouquet of cut roses. “For you.” He elaborated still gasping for air. Just how far did he run to get these anyway?

With a raised eyebrow and a smile, Kankri carefully accepted the flowers, cradling them in his arms. 

Cronus could be ridiculous, at times. Whenever he feared that he was going to be late for any sort of meeting, dates or otherwise, he always went out of his way to buy something frivolous and expensive for Kankri to compensate. Though often times it was the actual purchasing of gifts itself that would make him late in the first place. 

Normally, Kankri would tell him each and every time that gifts weren’t necessary, and that he wanted to see Cronus for his company, not his flashy offerings. Still, his boyfriend was incredibly insistent, and somehow he always ended up reluctantly accepting the tokens of his affection. 

Today, however, Kankri decided it would be better to just skip the process. Unveiling the roses, he held the bouquet just below his face and inhaled their scent mixed with the humid air. 

"Thank you." He said, looking up at Cronus. "They’re lovely."


	2. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just something quick and stupid to get me back into the flow of things after taking a break for a few weeks. It's probably a bit OOC or whatever but I give no fucks right now.

Cronus Ampora was worried half to double death. Why? Probably because his matesprit was a sneezing, coughing, shivering, bedridden mess.

He was doing his best to give Kankri some space, and only go into the respiteblock when needed. But his concern kept the highblood in closer proximity than was probably necessary. Though it wasn’t like it really made much of a difference anyway. The Cancer spent most of the day asleep anyway, so Cronus’s more than occasional nervous check-ins went mostly unnoticed.

Most would have advised staying away from the sick out of fear of catching what they had. Thankfully, however, Cronus didn’t have to worry about contracting Kankri’s illness. Seadwellers weren’t susceptible to the same diseases that their landdwelling counterparts were, for the most part.

However, while that meant that Cronus _could_ be near his matesprit, the sick troll needed his rest. As much as the Aquarius wanted to curl up next to Kankri and cuddle the sickness out of him, that probably wasn’t for the best. Aranea called whatever illness he was afflicted with a “cold.” Given that the lowblood was near constantly shivering, even when underneath a mass of blankets, the last thing he probably needed was the cold touch of a highblood.

Cronus sighed, setting a newly filled glass of water on the nightstand next to the bed. He glanced over at Kankri, who was still asleep. His head was the only visible part of him, the rest of his frame lying underneath the covers. His hair was a disheveled mess, more so than usual.

With a frown, Cronus hesitantly reached a hand over to gently brush a few stray strands away from the sleeping troll’s face. He nearly winced when his cooler skin made contact with Kankri’s. His matesprit felt like he was on fire. The concerned troll moved his hand over to his cheek, to find that it was the same searing temperature as his forehead.

He quickly pulled away, however, when Kankri began to stir awake from his touch.

“Shit,” Cronus muttered under his breath.

Kankri rolled over onto his side, eyes opening slightly. He looked up at Cronus, giving a quiet hum in confusion.

“Uh, sorry Kanny,” Cronus rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly “Didn’t mean to wake ya up like that. I’ll just uh, get outta here and let you get back to sleep.”

As he was turning to leave, Cronus was mildly surprised to feel a burning hot hand grab at his arm weakly.

“Wait…” Kankri’s quiet, hoarse voice called out to him. “That actually… It felt kind of nice.”

“Wait, really chief?” Maybe Cronus hadn’t fucked up after all.

“Mhm…”

Come to think of it, that would make sense. Something cold against his skin would feel nice if he was burning up as badly as Kankri was.

“Lay with me?” Kankri asked, smoothing his thumb over his matesprit’s cool skin.

Well, who was he to deny that request?

“Of course, babe.”

Obliging the sick troll, Cronus walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled back the blankets. Crawling into bed behind him, he wrapped his arms around Kankri’s torso. Almost immediately, the smaller troll sighed in relief and shifted back into the highblood’s colder touch, letting his eyes fall closed.

Feeling how much higher than normal Kankri’s body temperature was didn’t exactly help Cronus’s worrying. Still, everyone told him that it was a perfectly normal landdweller thing, and that the other troll would be back in good health eventually. He just needed to sleep it off. And if Cronus could help him do that, he was happy to be of service.

Cronus held Kankri close, a contented smile growing on his face as his matesprit slowly drifted to sleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes there are beds instead of recuperacoons. Yes I made up facts about troll biology. No, I don't care.


	3. Summer Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have gotten into the habit of writing things that are completely pointless. More so than usual, apparently.

Kankri Vantas slumped forward in his chair, his face resting on his arm. He surveyed the completely empty room before him, and found that his suspicions were in fact, correct.

There was no one here. Of course there wasn’t, it was summer, after all.

Unfortunately, that didn’t free him from the shackles of work. He might have had time off from class, but Kankri was still an employee of the library. Which meant that he had to be there during his shift, even if the place was devoid of any other people.

There wasn’t even anyone else working here today. It was as if his supervisors knew that no one was actually going to visit, so for the entire season they mostly only had one person working at a time. It meant fewer shifts, but the ones he did get were longer, and a lot less bearable.

Today was certainly no exception. A brutal summer storm was ravaging the campus, which was blanketed in an overhanging sea of grey clouds, as fierce winds and heavy rain assaulted the few who roamed its grounds. The constant and rapid patter of raindrops against the windows were the only sound that could be heard near the silent circulation desk.

Kankri adjusted himself in his seat, making a face at the way his shirt stuck to his back. Even those who took refuge inside the University’s buildings were not safe from the effects of the dreary weather. Few students in attendance, meant less incentive to run the air conditioning. The entire campus, inside and out, was permeated by a miserable, damp, humid air. Which his unruly hair was definitely not appreciating. He was thankful that he couldn't see it, nor that anyone else was around to, because he was almost positive that it was a disheveled mess. Not unlike the rest of him, today.

Glancing down at his phone, Kankri couldn’t help the groan that escaped him when he saw the time. He let his head fall to rest on the pleasantly cool surface of the marble counter in front of him. He still had several hours more to sit through this. The money would certainly be nice, but he was beginning to wonder if it would even be worth it at this point. Though it wasn’t as if he had a choice. He was available during the summer, and he wanted to keep his job, so that’s all there was to it.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if time wasn’t passing by so slowly. And this day might not have been moving at a grueling pace, if he wasn’t stuck here all by his lonesome. He didn’t blame anyone for not coming, though. Especially not in this kind of weather. Hell, _he_ didn’t even want to be here.

“Why the long face, sugar?”

Kankri jolted up in his seat with a startled yelp, much to the amusement of his unexpected visitor.

“Cronus?” He addressed the familiar face with a mix of surprise, relief, and embarrassment. “What are you doing here?”

“Gig ended earlier than I thought,” he clarified, moving to lean on the counter “So I thought I’d come pay my favorite little librarian a visit.”

Kankri scoffed, rolling his eyes near reflexively. “Is that so?” He replied in an amused tone. “Well, aren’t I fortunate.”

While there was a hint of sarcasm in the statement, Kankri was fairly certain he had never been happier to have his boyfriend bothering him at work. Though he was less than pleased with how he probably looked right now, if how gross he felt was anything to go by.

“So, how much longer are you stuck here?” Cronus asked, looking up at the clock above the desk. It was barely past 11.

“A few more hours…” Kankri trailed off with an almost pained sigh of resignation.

His boyfriend could only reply with a sympathetic “ouch.”

“Tell me about it.” The Cancer all but grumbled.

“Sounds like an awful long time to be cooped up in here all by yourself,” Cronus said, drumming his fingers on the counter “Think you’d mind if someone stook around? Maybe kept ya some company?”

Kankri couldn’t help but smile a little at the offer. While he wouldn’t wish being stuck here on anyone, he also knew that his boyfriend could be incredibly insistent. Besides, it wasn’t like he could kick him out.

“I think that would be wonderful. Do you know where I could find someone?”

“Well, you’re in luck,” He began with a grin “I happen to be free for the whole rest of the day.”

“Just to sit around in an empty room with me?” Kankri quipped playfully “My, it really is my lucky day.”

“Don’t you know it, doll,” Cronus answered, giving him a wink.

Well, maybe the rest of his shift wouldn’t be so unbearable after all.

 


	4. Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Whether it was to be expected or not, Cronus Ampora was at least slightly surprised to discover that his lover was literally the antithesis of a “morning person.” He had only just learned said fact, shortly after the two had moved in together. At first, Cronus had wondered how he never noticed it before, given that they had been dating for quite a while before that point. However, the answers became apparent to him soon enough.

It was an almost amusing thing, watching his morning unfold. They would both be roused from sleep by the grating ringing of an alarm clock. And every time, as if on cue, a familiar, agonized groan could be heard amongst the insufferable beeping. And then, a nearly limp arm would untangle itself from the body next to it, reaching over to haphazardly silence the loathsome source of all the noise. Its movements were lethargic but practiced, aiming to almost vehemently slam down on the large button adorning the top of the clock.

And Cronus would just lay there next to him. A lazy smile would spread across his face, as the same process would be repeated in 5 minute intervals. He himself never needed to be awake nearly as early as his boyfriend did. However, given that they shared a bed, it was unavoidable. He didn’t mind, though. He was content to lie next to him, still stuck in his own sleepy haze as he watched Kankri try to claw himself out of bed.

Eventually, after a few rounds of fighting with his alarm clock, Kankri Vantas would all too begrudgingly pull himself away from the pillows. His movements always seemed pained in a way, as he prepared to force himself awake for the day ahead. Sometimes he would just sit up, holding his face in his hands propped up on his knees, as he tried to unsuccessfully rub the sleep out of his eyes. His hair was always a disheveled mess, sticking out in places and angles that one wouldn’t have normally thought possible.

After enough yawning and stretching to loosen his tense and tired limbs, Kankri would finally make his first, dreaded steps onto the bedroom floor. He would drag himself along, his steps still just as quick as they normally were, but much less precise.

Of course, Kankri always woke up tired. It was to be expected, considering he never granted himself enough sleep. No, there was always some excuse preventing him from allowing himself to rest at a decent hour. Normally, it was something of an academic nature. And no force on this earth could ever convince Kankri to neglect what he felt his “responsibility,” including persistent and concerned prodding from his boyfriend.

Soon enough, Cronus would follow suit, though getting out of bed was a much easier process for him in the morning. From there, he would wait at the kitchen table, idly toying with his phone. Eventually, Kankri would emerge from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in whatever outfit he picked out for the day. Despite looking much more presentable by now, he was still far from awake. No, there was still one more integral component to this routine. Walking right past his lover at the table, Kankri would make his way straight to the coffee pot on the counter.  


There was never a “good morning” or “did you sleep well?” No, he could never be bothered with those kinds of trivial greetings. Not that Cronus paid it any mind. It didn’t take him very long to learn just how unapproachable his lover was in the early morning. He knew not to utter a word to Kankri before the time was right, lest he be burned by a temper as scalding hot as the bubbling coffee in their Keurig.

He was used to it, though. So Cronus would just smile and wait patiently, as Kankri focused on pulling himself together for the long day he would have ahead of him.  He was positive that Kankri would be better suited to work that allowed him to wake up later in the day, given his borderline nocturnal working habits. However, unfortunately graduate students were not offered this luxury, so Kankri would just have to bear with it. He was intent on seeing his PhD through to the end, and this is what he would have to suffer through every day to get it. Cronus always hoped that the seemingly grueling mornings would push Kankri into going to bed early, but that was seldom the case. Their routine was fairly constant.

It was fine with him, though. While Kankri was always grumpy in the morning, he would lighten up eventually, usually after a steady helping of caffeine throughout the day. It just took a little tact to deal with him, is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endings? what are these "endings" you speak of?
> 
> It's been a while since I posted anything here, so I wanted to start with something simple. And so I thought, what better to do for a warmup piece than Kankri ungracefully stumbling out of bed?


	5. Stay Vwith Me

Your name is Kankri Vantas, and with an almost practiced sigh, you move to gently free yourself from the cold arms encircling you. They do in fact retreat from around your waist, but it’s with the same reluctance as always. Now with your full range of motion returned to you, you move to pull the blankets up and away from your naked frame, and shift to stand up from the bed.  
  
This process is almost routine to you now. Every time you go off to your matesprit’s hive, you’re always in just as much a hurry to leave as when you arrived.  It’s not exactly something you are happy about, but this is the way things have to be for now.

Or at least, that’s what you always tell yourself.

This time, however, before you can move to gather up your scattered clothing from the floor, you’re surprised to find a cool hand gripping at your wrist. Your frame goes rigid, and reluctantly, you turn around to face your ‘clandestine’ lover.

He’s not really looking at you, his gaze facing forward, as if he’s staring out into space. But it’s obvious to you that he’s troubled by your departure. He always is, after all. Normally, though, he’s far too worried about how easily upset you are to try and stop you.  
  
After a moment of silence, you finally will yourself to speak.  
  
“Cronus…?” Your voice comes out more quietly than you’d like. Nonetheless, he turns to face you.  
  
“Kanny,” He begins, after a deep breath “Do ya… really have to go?” He trails off after the statement, his fins drooping slightly in accordance with his thoughts on the subject.  
  
You were afraid this was what he was going to ask. A deep sigh escapes you, and you find yourself avoiding his gaze, looking off to the side as you prepare to give him the answer he doesn’t want to hear.  
  
Still… Do you, though?  
  
You’re not exactly proud of the fact that you’ve been keeping your quadrant a secret from everyone. You know Cronus isn’t happy about it either, even if he isn’t vocal on the subject.  
  
You don’t like rushing over to his hive under the cover of night, just so you two can spend some time together. You don’t like dealing with constant paranoia, worrying that your relentless former teammates are whispering about it behind your backs. You don’t like seeing that hurt look in Cronus’s eyes when you have to say goodbye, because you know that it would be obvious if someone managed to catch you out of your hive and at his. You’re not happy with the situation, not by any means.  
  
You want to do better. You want to just stop worrying. But at the end of the day, you, Kankri Vantas, are painfully conscious of what people think.

But as you finally look up to face your matesprit, looking into those almost pained eyes waiting for your answer hits you with a harsh pang of guilt. 

Before you even give him an answer, Cronus releases your wrist, looking away from you to scratch at the back of his neck a bit awkwardly. Your hand falls to your side, and you find yourself unable to speak again, your eyes still focused on him.

Biting your lip, you move back towards the bed, and climb into it next to him. His eyes widen, and he turns to face you when he feels the mattress shift under your weight. His expression is questioning, but as you wordlessly settle against the pillows, you’re grateful that he doesn’t say anything. You’d rather not talk about a decision you’re already worried you’re going to regret.  
  
You’re still afraid, of course. But regardless, you sigh contentedly as you’re pulled into a cool embrace, your head moving to settle against your matesprit’s chest, as he pulls the blankets up over you.

You’re tired of hiding from this. You don’t want to deal with what the others are going to say, and for the most part you can’t even stand the idea of them knowing, opinions aside. But Cronus deserves better. And this charade isn’t fair to either of you.

So for once, you’re able to quell your anxieties, as you slowly drift off to sleep in your matesprit’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you hadn't noticed by now, I'm actually quite fond of the headcanon that the Alpha trolls didn't require the use of recuperacoons, so they used beds instead.


	6. Can I tell you a secret?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for a sentence prompt fill. The ones sent in were "Can I tell you a secret?" and "That is one hell of a mess."

One thing Cronus definitely loved about the parties and casual get-togethers thrown by Porrim, was the opportunity they presented for his ever-so-tense boyfriend to actually loosen up a little, which he felt far more comfortable doing in the company of friends, rather than at some kind of place like a bar. 

Even the thought was enough to put a small smile on his face. Or perhaps that was just the alcohol in his system. 

Or maybe, it was because said boyfriend was currently giggling at absolutely nothing, as he clung to Cronus’s larger frame for support. 

It was probably all of the above. 

Thankfully, however, Cronus was much less of a lightweight than Kankri. And he was never more grateful for his higher tolerance of alcohol, than when it allowed him enough faculty to observe the beautiful thing that was his drunken lover. 

"Cronus," Kankri slurred out his name, languidly reaching an arm to tap him on his shoulder "Hey, Cronus." He drew out the name more the second time, before starting another fit of laughter, as if at his own words.

With a slightly inebriated chuckle of his own, Cronus rubbed at Kankri’s arm, his hand already holding onto him to offer support. “Yes, doll?”

"You are just…" He paused, and seemed to make an almost pensive face for a moment.   
  
"Yeah?" Cronus said questioningly, looking down at his tipsy boyfriend. 

However, instead of finishing the thought, Kankri was again spurred into giggling. After taking a brief moment to calm himself down, he moved to rest his head against Cronus’s arm. 

"I forgot."

After seeing out the last of her other remaining guests, Porrim shut the door behind her, and turned to face the drunken couple standing in the middle of her living room. 

"Wow," she sighed, as she surveyed the wreckage that currently was her living room. Really, she always expected as much when Meenah was invited for drinking games. It was a recipe for disaster, but not one that she wasn’t used to. As far as she was concerned, it was worth it, if only to catch up with everyone.

"That is one hell of a mess," Cronus commented almost off-handedly, his eyes scanning around the clutter. 

"Tell me about it," their hostess replied, moving to take a seat. "Why don’t you two sit down?" she addressed her guests, moving to fish out her phone "I’ll call you a cab."

Cronus complied, maneuvering Kankri along with him to flop onto the couch.

After yet another brief fit of laughter, Kankri settled himself against Cronus’s chest, making himself comfortable as they waited. 

"Porrim," he drawled out her name, his head lazily rolling to the side to face her "Porrim you are just… you’re so wonderful, Porrim."

She couldn’t help but laugh to herself a little, and send Kankri an amused smile as she dialed up the number for the taxi. 

"You have a good time tonight, babe?" Cronus asked his boyfriend, moving his arms to frame themselves over his shoulders. 

"Hey, Cronus?" Kankri lolled his head back to look up at him, seemingly not registering the question "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Any time, Kanny."

"I looooove yooouu," He slurred it out, not decreasing the volume of his voice in the slightest despite the apparent secrecy. 

Despite his intoxicated haze, Cronus managed to force down his urge to laugh, simply smiling down at his lover instead. “Glad to hear it, babe.” He leaned down, kissing the top of Kankri’s head with the statement. “Love you too, Kanny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know.


	7. This one's on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the sentence prompt meme's line "This one's on me." No one could be bothered to send it to me, so I just wrote it anyway.

"I'll just let you two get to this whenever you're ready," The waiter left them the check with a smile, before making his way off to whatever other tables he had to deal with.

"Well then," Kankri said, straightening himself in his seat as he moved to dig out his wallet "I must say, Cronus, I really enjoyed myself this evening."

His tone was pleasant, but anyone who knew better would notice the danger underscoring his words, in relation to a rather deliberate reach for his debit card.

And of course, Cronus knew better.

"Glad to hear it, babe," He answered with a grin, eyes noting Kankri's reach for the check. However, before his boyfriend could even get a finger on it, Cronus quickly grabbed the book and pulled it out of the other's reach, before uttering what he knew to be fighting words.

"Kanny, don't worry about it. This one’s on me."

He couldn't help but say the words with a grin, which only widened when they were met with a look just barely short of being a glare.

Cronus knew what he was getting himself into. They went through the same process nearly every time he actually managed to convince his frugal, self-denying lover to be taken out to eat. It had been the same ever since their first date, when he thought he was being smooth, and learned the unfortunate (for him anyway) truth the hard way.

The fact of the matter was, Kankri Vantas could not even _stand_ the idea of being paid for. At first, being the "chivalrous gentleman" that he was, Cronus was utterly dumbfounded by the discovery. But when he actually got to know his boyfriend better, it made a lot more sense to him. The issue probably came from the same place as his refusal to ask for help, and his horribly stubborn nature.

Unfortunately for Kankri, when Cronus came to understand the reasoning behind it, his initial shock and fear that prevented him from trying again all but vanished. And so, the restaurant table would become the battleground between Kankri's refusal to be "coddled" (as he saw it), and Cronus's....

Well, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to fight his boyfriend on the issue so much. It definitely wasn't out of spite. And while initially he did want to pay for Kankri as a romantic gesture, or something along those lines, his strong reactions definitely started to play a part in things.

Maybe he liked getting under his boyfriend's skin. Just a little.

"Cronus," His voice had just as much venom in it as his stare "I appreciate the gesture, but I assure you, that will not be necessary."

"No, really," Cronus answered him, seemingly completely unfazed as he fished out his own wallet "I got this, doll."

"Cronus," Kankri repeated, more severity in his voice "Hand me the check."

He couldn't help but smirk, as he slipped his card into the book and shut it in one very deliberate motion "Now why would I need to do that, when I already have this taken care of?"

His playful tone was met with an irritated sigh from the opposite end of the table. "Are you seriously doing this?"

"Doing what?" Cronus retorted coyly.

"Cronus Ampora," Kankri snapped at him, doign his best to keep his voice down "Stop being ridiculous and hand me the checkbook this instant."

"Don't see what's so ridiculous about wanting to show my Kanny a good time," He shrugged, sitting back in his seat and making a point to securely hold onto the check as he did so.

"I _was_ having a good time," Kankri bit back at him, visibly losing his composure if only a little "That is, until you-"

Kankri paused, his form going rigid as the waiter returned to the table as if from nowhere. Or at least it seemed that way to him, not having noticed the server approaching in his brief fit of rage.

"You ready to go with that?" He asked, looking to the check in Cronus's hand.

"Yup!" He answered, a triumphant smile on his face as he handed it over. He rested an elbow on the table, waving the server off with a grin. It was over, Cronus won and he knew it. If there was one thing Kankri hated more than his boyfriend's stupid chivalry, it was making a scene and embarrassing himself.

Kankri slouched slightly in his seat, his arms crossing over his chest and a scowl forming on his face. He was pissed, and his boyfriend knew it all too well. But Cronus couldn't help but keep a satisfied grin on his face, even as his lover was giving him a look that could kill a man.

He was totally sleeping on the couch tonight, but that didn't mean it wasn't worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My headcanons are showing. 
> 
> I've been meaning to write this scenario for a while now. Given Kankri's thoughts on his sweater, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take too kindly to being "treated." I dunno, aside from that, I just see him as someone who fiercely tries to assert his own independence. 
> 
> Also I really love the idea of Cronus insisting on being a "gentleman" to the point of it being obnoxious. 
> 
> Sue me.


	8. Baby Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you're doing that AU thing... how about Cronus accidentally finding Kankri's baby/wiggler pictures? Or other embarrassing things like that?"

"Awww, babe," Cronus called after his matesprit's retreating form, managing to speak through his laughter "Come on, I didn't mean anything by it! It's cute!"   
  
Kankri, however, did not answer. He kept moving, with quick but heavy steps out of the respiteblock. 

He already felt like a giant fool when Cronus stumbled upon the heinous pictures he left out, but when his matesprite proceeded to laugh at them, Kankri couldn't take the sight of it anymore.   
  
"Hey, Kanny, 'cmon doll." Cronus managed to calm himself down a little, but was still grinning when he caught up to the other troll, gently putting a hand on his shoulder to stop his movement. His expression changed, however, when upon turning his matesprit around, he saw a face of genuine discontent, rather than just embarrassment.   
  
"...Babe?" Cronus repeated, a concerned frown overtaking his features. 

Kankri sighed, avoiding the other troll's gaze "I'm glad you find them to be 'cute,' Cronus." There was bitterness in his words, but his tone sounded more exasperated than anything.   
  
"Kanny..." Cronus's fins drooped, as an increasing feeling of guilt started to set in. "I'm sorry, babe... I didn't mean to invade your privacy or anything like that."  
  
"Cronus, no, it's not..." Kankri trailed off, sighing once more and touching a hand to his forehead in frustration. When he spoke again, however, he finally moved to look his matesprit in the face.   
  
"Cronus," He began, tone sounding more serious this time "Think about it. Do you have any pictures like this?"   
  
The other troll gave him a confused look, as if he was about to ask what he meant. But as he pondered it over...   
  
"Come ta think of it...." Cronus didn't finish the thought, moving a hand to sheepishly scratch at the back of his neck.   
  
"Exactly," Kankri continued "Because lusus don't  _do_  things like this."   
  
As the realization hit, all Cronus could answer with was an almost dumbfounded "Oh..."   
  
That's right. Kankri never had a lusus. So that means whoever culled him took those pictures.   
  
"What you were just laughing at, and calling 'cute,'" Kankri avoided Cronus's eyes as he started to speak again "Was me being posed and prodded for another troll's amusement." despite the accusatory nature of the words, Kankri actually sounded almost hurt as he said it.   
  
"Kanny..." Whatever guilt Cronus was feeling before, was now multiplying itself tenfold. He stepped closer to his matesprit, looping his arms around Kankri's waist and pulling him close, not only as a gesture of comfort, but hopefully, also one of a apology. 

Cronus knew how seriously Kankri took this kind of thing. Saying that his matesprit resented his upbringing, would have gone beyond an understatement. The violetblood had never been responsible for culling in his lifetime, but he knew that his highblooded peers...and even himself, at times, could be worse than a little condescending towards the lower castes. 

"It's alright..." Kankri's voice was quiet, but he moved a hand to rub at the other troll's back as he spoke "You didn't know."   
  
"Doesn't make it okay..." Cronus muttered against the shorter troll's shoulder, tightening his embrace slightly. "I'm sorry, Kanny." 

He only got non-committal hum in return, but Cronus hoped he got his remorse across. He thought he was getting better about not upsetting his sensitive matesprit as their relationship went on... but, Cronus supposed he'd just have to try harder from now on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw the prompt, I thought of something a little different than what I expected. I know most people look at Beforian culling as a "luxurious life," but judging by how Feferi thought of the concept, I don't think it would have been as pleasant as the fandom imagines. I always viewed it as "We think you're too inept to take care of yourself, so we're going to raise you and treat you like a pet poodle" or something. really though, if you think about it, it would explain why Kankri is so outspoken. You might have been too, if you were treated like none of your thoughts and opinions mattered.


	9. Share the Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the lovely [colorfulcheshire](http://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulCheshire/works). Because she is a darling.

Cronus Ampora opened the door to his apartment, stepping inside with a shake of his head and a stamp of his feet, displacing the snow that had accumulated on his body. He kicked it shut behind him, not bothering to turn around as he cast off his gloves, rubbing frigid red hands together. After toeing off his boots, he started to lazily pull off the rest of his winter wear, shedding his hat and jacket and tossing them on miscellaneous surfaces as he made his way inside.

He pushed his hair back with one hand, not fully setting it back to its usual look, but doing enough damage control for his satisfaction. His hair was probably the thing Cronus hated most about the winter season. He couldn’t just leave it exposed, as the heavy north eastern snows would do just as much damage to his styled locks as putting on a hat. He figured if his hair was gonna get messed up either way, he might as well go with the option that kept him warm. Even if it made him look stupid as fuck, in his opinion.

As Cronus’s gradually warming body stepped further into the apartment, he was not at all surprised to spot a familiar form sitting on the couch, exactly where his boyfriend had last seen him earlier in the morning. The only thing that seemed to change about the scene before him, was the multiple massive stacks of papers and forms having shifted across the coffee table, as Kankri tirelessly cycled through them.

He couldn’t help but smirk, shaking his head to himself as he pulled off his last few miscellaneous bits of winter clothing. When he was finally comfortable enough, Cronus proceeded to vault himself over the couch, plopping only half a cushion away from an oblivious Vantas with a sing-song “honey, I’m home~”

For his effort of showmanship, Kankri merely responded with a curt “Welcome back,” murmured from behind the page he was currently running his eyes over.

Cronus quirked an eyebrow, glancing over to his boyfriend as he scanned whatever assignment he was being set to work on. He contemplated pouting, but knew that it wouldn’t get him anywhere in this situation, not with Kankri so absorbed in his labor.

Normally, the studious worker would always pull double-time near the holiday season, making sure that he had everything at his disposal taken care of long in advance, in order to ensure that he’d be available to spend time with loved ones. Cronus always saw it as oddly sweet, in a Kankri kind of way, if only because it meant he could have his boyfriend all to himself, without the perils of work and school to snatch him away.

This year, however, was a different kind of situation. No longer an undergraduate student, Kankri had made his debut into the hellish world known only as grad school. And as an entry level PhD candidate, his university took full advantage, setting him to work as a Teaching Assistant slave. Which, naturally, he was less than pleased about. Grading papers and tests and whatever else they left his poor boyfriend to, those were things that couldn’t be prepared for or done ahead of time. No, Kankri was forced to tackle the flood of grading work as soon as it was handed to him. And unfortunately, with the end of the semester rearing its head, the graduate student had an entire stack of finals to slave over.

“Gee, babe,” Cronus began, mock hurt in his voice “what kinda welcome was that?”

His boyfriend, of course, was not amused, reflexively responding with an annoyed groan. “Cronus…” he grumbled without taking his eyes off the page, a warning tone to his voice.

“C’mon, doll,” he said, reaching a hand over to ruffle already messy hair “just wanna warm up with my Kanny, is all.”   
  
“If you are cold,” Kankri murmured in reply, irritably twisting his red pen between his fingers “why don’t you go heat up some hot chocolate?” he suggested dismissively, if only as an attempt to get rid of the needy Ampora at his side.   
  
“Now why would I need to do that, when I got somethin’ so hot right in fronta me?” Cronus quipped, a sly grin on his face.

“Cronus!” Kankri sat up abruptly, finally looking up from his work to level his lover with a warning glare “I have deadlines to meet. And unlike you, _they_ will not be around to hassle me later.”  
  
Cronus was momentarily shocked by the small outburst, and shrank back slightly into the cushions behind him.

With a sigh, Kankri shook his head, inhaling with a deep breath. “Look,” he began, apologetically, “I’m sorry. I just want to get through these, and then I promise, we can spend some time together.”

Cronus frowned, looking off to the side as his boyfriend turned his attention back to the sheets up paper in front of him, huddling over the coffee table. He knew that all of this grad school bullshit had to be stressing Kankri out, but to have him snippy like this…

“I got a better idea,” he muttered, rising to his feet from the couch. Kankri kept his focus on his work, not look up from what he was doing. That was, until he felt Cronus settle into the couch on the opposite side of him, wedging himself between his boyfriend and the corner of the sofa.   
  
“Cronus, what exactly are you doing?” his tone was still irritable, but less so than when he snapped a moment ago.

“Just helping you relax, babe,” Cronus replied, hands settling themselves on Kankri’s hips. He yelped in protest, as his boyfriend gently yanked him back into his lap, stretching out his legs on either side to accommodate him.   
  
“Cronus…” Although his tone was meant to be warning, Kankri’s words came out more exasperated than anything.   
  
“Don’t see how ya can’t get work done like this,” Cronus leaned in to gently kiss his neck, murmuring against the skin there.

His boyfriend responded with a sigh, but Cronus couldn’t help but smile when Kankri settled his weight back against him, even if it was begrudgingly. He kept his arms wrapped around him, nuzzling at his neck as he resumed his grading.

It wasn’t a perfect solution, as he would have preferred it if Kankri decided to take a break and relax, but this was better than nothing. And besides, while he didn’t like it, Cronus knew he had a point. Deadlines were deadlines. That being said, the least he could do is try and make his boyfriend at least a little more comfortable as he toiled away.   
  
“Thanks, Kanny.” Cronus muttered, kissing Kankri’s cheek and squeezing him just a little closer to punctuate his gratitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless, trashy winter fluff.
> 
> Yup.


	10. Fluffy Black hair

It’s probably your favorite part of him, if you’re going to be perfectly honest, his characteristic mass of hair. You know he thinks otherwise, but it really suits him so well, framing the soft features of his face and hanging in just the right way of his forehead, even if it’s a different kind of mess every day. You still love it.

You love how soft it is, when you nuzzle your face against his head, burying your nose in dark locks as you take in his familiar scent.

You love running your hands through it, seeing how relaxed it can make him when his eyes are closed, laying against you, or hearing him scream your name under you during throes of passion.

You think it’s beautiful, really. Everything about it, just like the rest of him. He’d scoff if he heard you say that. Hell, you’re pretty sure he has before, but that doesn’t change your opinion.

Kankri’s relationship with his hair, of course, is of a different kind than yours. Rather than appreciation and affection, he regards his own locks with disdain and frustration.

It’s so at odds with the rest of him, really. While your lover wants everything to be orderly and perfect, the hair atop his head is a near constant unruly mess. He tries to change it, of course. You wouldn’t have expected any different from him. But despite his most earnest efforts of brushing and combing, styling and taming, he never seems to be satisfied with it.

He pays so much attention to it, you’ve noticed. Probably out of insecurity, but you’d like to hope that at least in some way or another, he tries to be happy with how it looks. He fusses with it constantly. It’s become a nervous habit of his, you’ve found. When he returns from walking outside, or whenever he sees it in a mirror, at least one hand is always moving up to his head, pulling and toiling away. Even when it looks the exact same way that he’s left it, you’ll still notice him trying to ‘fix’ the way it looks, almost unconsciously.

More or less, though, you know that Kankri hates his hair. You can’t really imagine him looking any differently, and you’re not at all that sure how it would look if it was more to his rigid standards. But that doesn’t matter to you.

You have no qualms appreciating it enough for the both of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep the "setting" ambiguous, so to speak. I didn't want to draw a defining line between trolls and humanstuck, because the same issues can apply to both Kankris.


	11. Perfect

When you first met Kankri Vantas, you thought that he was perfect.

Okay, maybe not right away, but given enough time, how could anyone _not_?

Kankri, with his voluminous mess of thick hair, hanging adorably over a near ever-present resting scowl curving down full, pouting lips, complimenting a softly shaped face.

Kankri, with his lithe, curved body, with his hips that swing in just the right way when he walks. With his legs, drawing in your gaze, complimented so tantalizingly well by his usual choice of dress. With his supple, yet delicate frame, just short enough to be petite, but not too small. Really, just looking at him had made you want to run your hands over every inch of his skin, tracing every curve of what, to you, was perfection. Past-you would be so jealous of your present ability to do so.

Kankri Vantas, who always seems so in control. Who had officious intelligent rolling off of him in waves the first time you had sat across from him in the library for your mandatory tutoring. So well spoken, he could probably sound like he knew what he was talking about, even if he didn’t have a clue what he was saying, and you don’t think it’s because you never know the difference (You? Distracted? Never). Who works so hard, certainly harder than you and probably more than most other people that you know.

Kankri carries himself with such poise, that if not for your own natural charisma, you might have been envious. Really, it’s one of his most magnetic qualities (well, non-physically speaking) in your opinion. He walks and talks with purpose, always looking like he has everything figured out. For the cynic that he is, he probably still has no idea that it always made you want to be around him more, even when he acted like he couldn’t stand you.

It was only natural that he would catch the eye of a man with such discerning taste as yourself. If not for his unrelentingly harsh and cold demeanor, you might have questioned how he was available when you met him. You never minded, though. While he would probably kill you if he ever heard you say this now, you always found the challenge he presented to be at least a little thrilling.

So of course, when Kankri Vantas finally agreed to go on a date with you, you were beyond ecstatic. How could you not be? He was perfect.

And then, as time passed and the two of you gradually grew closer, your eyes began to clear up from the blindness new love calls “infatuation.” You got to know him better, your perfect Kankri Vantas.

Kankri, who is actually incredibly neurotic, who cannot stop himself from stressing and worrying over the seemingly smallest of things.

Kankri, who works himself into the ground, who refuses to accept anything less than academic perfection from himself, who does not sleep or eat or relax or have fun nearly as much as a person needs to.

Kankri, who has stress-driven breakdowns, which you were there to see when previously, no one was looking. Kankri, who always feels like he has impossibly high standards to live up to, many of which are self-imposed.

Kankri Vantas, who is afraid of being vulnerable, who feels like he can’t depend on other people for support, who goes to ridiculous lengths to prove his own independence, even at his own expense, who seems like he doesn’t care enough, but cares far more than a normal person should.

Kankri, who has goals and ambition that are contained by the town that he lives in, by the university that he attends, by the income bracket he came from. Your Kankri, who was raised by a single father, who lost a mother at an age at which you couldn’t have even imagined there were any troubles in the world. Kankri, who was pressured and forced to put his own dreams and hopes aside to settle for what was actually possible for someone with so little means.

You noticed dark circles that you swear weren’t there before. You started picking up on the smallest of cues from him, near microscopic tells that allowed you to see through presented confidence and into a person that wavers, overthinks, and fears much more than you ever thought he did.

You see him when he wakes up after not sleeping enough, when he’s irritable and ineloquent from nerves. You see him when he makes a mistake, when he’s proven wrong and he gets so frustrated and angry that he even lashes out at you.

You have come to know Kankri Vantas for who he is, a privilege that very few others you are aware of can attest to. You have seen him at his best, and you have understood him at his worst.

And even with all of his flaws, you would still swear endlessly that he is absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was pretty aimless. I really like examining Kankri through Cronus's perspective. It's an interesting exercise.


	12. Overflow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Sometimes I ignore you so I feel in control_   
>  _Cause really, I adore you, and I can't leave you alone_

You hate it, really, truly you do; being mad at him.

You don’t want to. You never want to be, and if you could have your way, all these excessive, dramatic, irrational feelings you have would just be shoved aside and you would return to his welcoming arms.

But you can’t, and you won’t. As much as you hate it, your feelings are your feelings, and there is painfully little you can do about it. And when you are upset with Cronus Ampora, there isn’t much you can do to help it.

It’s a rather frustrating affair, being on bad terms with someone you love. It’s times like these that you’re reminded of how different he is from you.

He sulks; wears his heart on his sleeve and mopes around your shared space, trying to pull any sort of reaction or attention out of you. You notice, of course, you know him too well not to. You’re a different story, though.

Cold shoulders, silence, only speaking when absolutely necessary, and always filling every word with an overflow of passive aggression and venom.

It’s a cycle that feeds itself. Your silent treatment makes him more upset, more emotional. And in turn, that only serves to aggravate you more.

You can’t help it, really. You know it’s irrational. You know it’s not the right thing to do, that it’s not fair to him. You should talk about your problems, use communication. But that’s not how you do things. Because you’re petty and selfish and childish inside, and you loathe yourself for it.

You fight with yourself just as much as you do him. He makes you feel like your anger isn’t justified. _You_ make yourself feel like your anger is unjustified. You understand he’s not doing anything intentionally. Hell, you know it’s probably just you reading into everything.

It frustrates you to no end, and every time it happens, even over the smallest of conflicts, you just want it to be over. You want to swallow your own feelings and forgive him and move on with being happy together again, but you can’t do that.

You can’t do that because beneath the twisted and skewed mess your irrational emotions have distorted the situation into, he still made you upset to begin with, and you would be lying to both of you if you tried to forgive him for that before you were finally able to get over yourself.

Still, you can’t help the guilt. Even when you know your feelings are justified, even when he’s the one out of line, you know that how you go about things, how you treat him: you know it isn’t right. You know you are a neurotic, deranged, unhealthy mess of a person, and he tolerates that all of the time for you. And you love him for it, you truly do.

But you keep going about things the same way, because you don’t know anything else. Then, every time there are problems, every time there’s a conflict, you can feel it. In the back of your head, you can’t shake the fear that your own stubbornness and issues are slowly driving a wedge deeper and deeper into the cracks that form in your relationship. And instead of communicating, instead of letting wounds heal, you only push it in further time and time again. In your deepest, darkest thoughts, you worry, you fear, that you are going to break the two of you apart and you are going to lose him.

Really, though, you just can’t help it. You get angry with him.

If only you could understand it’s an inevitability that he’s going to get angry with you.

 


	13. Sweet Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It isn't easy, for me to let it go_   
> _'Cause I've swallowed every single word_
> 
> [Companion to this](http://frostingflakes.tumblr.com/post/111975068861/overflow)

Your name is Cronus Ampora, and one of your least favorite things is the world is being on your lover’s bad side. Which, unfortunately for you, is not a difficult thing to accomplish by any means.

You try your best. Really, you do. Even before the two of you started dating, you were aware of how easily upset and fickle Kankri Vantas is. In truth, though, it was something that never actually bothered you. He talked to you, _listened_ to you.

He’s so beautiful to you, but his anger, his _genuine_ anger, is probably one of the worst things you’ve ever seen. Kankri is just so _different_ when he’s mad. He won’t talk to you, won’t even look at you most of the time. He acts like he’s trying to pretend you aren’t there, and you hate it, god you just hate it so much.

It drives you absolutely insane. No matter how well you get to know him, no matter how close the two of you become, it feels like you can’t even begin to wonder about a single thought in his head when he ignores you like this. And you cannot stand it. It afflicts you with such a confusing mix of desperation, sadness, and anger that you can’t even try to sort out. You can’t decide whether you want to scream, grovel for his forgiveness, cry, or some ugly combination of all three.

You just know you always want it to end.

Sometimes, you can’t even decipher what causes it in the first place.  You know Kankri is easily upset. You have come to understand him for who he is, that despite his air of self-possessed calm, beneath the surface he is much less stable and stoic than he might appear. And yet despite your very constant and earnest efforts to keep him happy, you still find yourself subject to his anger.

Sometimes it just feels like you can do nothing right. You know that isn’t true, that you’re exaggerating. But how else are you supposed to feel when you don’t even know what you did wrong?

He won’t talk to you. Hell, it’s not even just when he’s mad. There are a lot of things Kankri doesn’t open up about. You’ve found that for someone who talks so much, communication is not his strong suit.

You’re a fairly open guy. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and you know it; it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your policy with your relationship is no different. You’re honest with what you’re thinking, how you feel.

But Kankri is the near polar opposite. Sometimes it feels like he’ll talk about anything _but_ what his real, honest feelings are.

You love Kankri Vantas. You think he’s perfect and beautiful and the best thing to ever happen in your life. But sometimes, it’s just hard for you.

It feels like you’re walking on eggshells. You never know what you’re doing right or wrong, and he so rarely feels the need to tell you. You don’t _want_ him to be upset, but how are you supposed to prevent that if you know nothing? If he’s _giving_ you nothing?

His silent, seething anger just makes you afraid. Every time, even if it seems like it’s over the smallest things, you have no idea what he’s thinking. Sitting there, off by himself, quiet and icy and acting like you’re not even there, you know that his thoughts are running around in his head. Sometimes, you can’t help but worry that every argument you have with him is going to be your last.


	14. When There's No Space Between Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little NSFW. 
> 
> Just a little.

He’s so much more vocal than you, Cronus. You’ve found that no matter how things are actually playing out, your matesprit can hardly go without making  _some_ sort of noise. 

Sometimes he just looms over you, panting and making the occasional grunt or groan in low tones, usually when he’s rocking his hips into yours and trying to draw the same sounds out of you. 

Inevitably he always closes whatever gap in space there might have been between your bodies, hovering not even inches above you. It’s then, when his vocal assault is at its greatest. His arms looped under your back, or maybe his hands still lingering at your hips, that’s never what takes precedence for you. 

No, it’s those dreadful lips of his, hiding dangerously sharp teeth. When he buries his face in your neck, biting and kissing at your over-heated skin that you find your own restraint slipping. 

You try to be quieter than him most of the time, if for nothing other than the sake of your own embarrassment. You know he feels otherwise, as he frequently decides to tel you so, as if it would change your mind.Still, Cronus always tries to coax sound out of you regardless, and unfortunately for you, he usually succeeds.  

You limit yourself, though. It’s beyond an uphill battle, trying to control your words when your mind is drowning in lust, but you muster up all of the willpower you posses to keep your voice regulated to the barest of moans, and the occasional slip of his name. Of course, things rarely ever actually work out that way, but that’s not something you have any intentions of admitting to yourself. 

When it comes to words, though, your matesprit is absolutely shameless. Talkative is an understatement, you think, when he’s moving above you, subjecting you to that _sinful_ voice directly in your ear. He mutters all manner of things to you between guttural moans, from sweet and tender words of love, to utterances you probably would have died of embarrassment at hearing in any other situation. Encouragements ranging from intimate praise to things you find unrepeatable, he murmurs all of it for you and you alone to hear. 

You can’t find it in yourself to reprimand him (even jokingly) when he’s busy making a fine mess of you underneath himself, and frankly you’re more than a little sure that’s probably why he takes the opportunity to say so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha what


	15. When You Were Drunk

"Kanny….?" You hear his voice breaking through the dull haze of your intoxicated mind, and somewhere lost in your muddled thoughts, you’re feeling both a small ping of happiness and dread. You shift your suddenly heavy body on the couch, falling against the arm closer to him and lolling your head back to face your boyfriend. 

"Hi there," you address him with a lazy smile, punctuating your words with a brief giggle. Talking seems to do that to you for whatever reason, like it’s an impulse being set off by essentially anything. 

Cronus, however, isn’t laughing. 

"Babe, are you…." His eyes wander to your (third) empty glass on the table, and he doesn’t finish his sentence. 

He takes a deep breath, setting down his bag at the door and shrugging off his coat, before walking over to stand on the couch in front of you. 

"What happened, doll?"

His tone is hard for you to pin down, but instead of smiling and grinning at you like he normally does, there’s a slight frown on his features. Either way, you don’t answer him. You wouldn’t have anyway. 

"Sit with me!" You demand of him, your voice much more jovial and pleasant than his. You don’t now why he isn’t happy. 

Cronus sighs, nudging you aside slightly with his arms, before lowering himself on to the couch. After taking a seat, you feel his arms scooping under you, and then you’re being hefted into his lap. The movement has you laughing again, though more subdued this time. 

"You seem sad," you look up at him, slurring out the words with that same stupid smile on your face.

He draws his lip between his teeth, and his frame goes tense for a moment. 

"I…., babe," his arms tighten around you slightly when he starts to speak again "why didn’t you tell me somethin’ was wrong?"

Through the dull mess of your thoughts, you’re confused. You really don’t understand what he’s saying at all. 

"Whaddayou mean?" 

He doesn’t speak, this time. Cronus just holds you tighter, his arms pulling you close to his body as he tucks his head against your neck.

You don’t get it. You don’t indulge in alcohol often, but whenever you two drink together, Cronus always seems so happy around you, and he’s usually able to handle his liquor better. 

Whenever you’re sad or angry or upset, Cronus always seems so troubled about it. He tries to make you feel better, tries to get you to laugh and smile for him. 

So you don’t understand. You’re laughing more than you ever do, and you can’t seem to wipe this ridiculous grin off your face no matter how hard you try. 

Why isn’t he happy?


	16. Under The Stars

You were more than a little worried when you woke up to a half empty bed, rolling over to find that the warmth of your matesprit had abandoned you. You didn't think much of it at first, figuring that Kankri had perhaps gone to get a glass of water, maybe left for the ablution block. But after a few moments passed with no sign of your lover, you grew restless. 

Checking the floor progressed to checking the hive and when that turned up nothing, you went out to check the near vicinity. 

To your surprise, however, immediately upon opening the front door with Kankri’s name on the tip of your tongue, you were greeted by the sight of a Beforan landscape, rather than the dream-bubble you were used to. 

You didn't know why at the time, but seeing your past home-world made something in your gut sink. 

Now, after a brief but panicked search led you to where you currently stand, at the top of small hill, you take in the sight before you. 

Your matesprit is sitting by himself with his back to you, his weight resting on his arms behind him as he seems to look up at the distantly familiar sky. When you draw closer, you can see that he's still dressed the same way as when he settled in to bed with you. 

"Kanny?" You call out to him as you step closer, feeling the prick of grass underneath your bare feet. 

He's jolted by your voice, his frame jumping slightly when he whips around to face you. You gasp audibly, almost recoiling when he does. 

"K-Kanny?" You sputter out your lover's name at what you see, eyes transfixed by a sight you haven't seen in countless sweeps. His eyes. 

"Oh?" He seems shocked, a bit concerned over your reaction, before he must notice what your eyes are fixed upon. "Oh..." He trails off, like you've caught him doing something he shouldn't have. You walk up to stand beside him, as his gaze wanders towards the ground, and his realization causes his irises to fade back to white. 

"I, uh..." You stumble through your speech awkwardly, not sure what to say after the scene that just took place. 

"Sit with me?" 

Thankfully, Kankri takes the initiative, and you take him up on his request, settling in behind your matesprit. He sighs, leaning back against you as your arms loop under his. 

"Sorry," he speaks again after a brief pause, "I must have been out longer than I thought."

You don't answer him just yet, biting your lower lip between sharp teeth as you struggle to find your words. Something's troubling him, and while Kankri is normally an expert at keeping it from you, his surroundings have literally made it an undeniable fact. Your fingers drum at the exposed skin on his arms, and you briefly think that he must be cold in the chilled night air. You don't voice your concerns, however. This is neither the time nor the place. 

"Couldn't sleep?" You settle upon saying the least pressuring sentence you can think of at the moment. He responds with an affirmative hum, shifting closer to you in your hold. 

"I was thinking," he replies, his eyes wandering back up to the blanket of stars that's become so unfamiliar to you in your afterlife. 

You don't press the uncertain 'about home,' that you hear in his voice. Really, you can't think of anything to say at his behavior right now. 

"I know it's a little ridiculous," he says, scoffing a bit to himself "but sometimes it just feels like there's nothing left...."

His words make your stomach turn, your head perking up slightly, a frown beginning to form on your face. You want to ask him what he means, but if you're being honest with yourself, you know that you don't have to.....

"We've been dead for so long..." His voice is quiet now, almost ethereal. If not for the near silence around you, you might not have even been able to hear him at all. 

"But even when I was alive, it still felt like there was..."

Your eyes widen when he goes on, and despite not finishing his sentence, you can still feel it in his words. The bitterness, the hurt and loss. 

'There was nothing for me.'

"Kanny...." You mutter, drawing him closer to you and ducking your face into his neck. You want to apologize, to say something to make him feel better. But sweeps of getting know Kankri have taught you that it's never as simple as that with him. 

He sighs, settling back into your tightening grip wordlessly. You sympathize with what he's feeling. It's nothing you haven't thought about yourself, without a doubt, but...

His unspoken words have shaken you, and you remember that despite how self-possessed he always acts, your matesprit isn't as comfortable with himself or his past as he may let on. 

"Why don't we go back to bed?" He speaks up, twisting himself to face you and breaking you out of your thoughts. 

"I.., yeah, sounds like a good idea, babe." You pull yourself up, offering him a hand and helping him to his feet as well, not letting go when he takes hold of yours. 

You wish that could just be the end of this, but you know in the back of your mind, it's not. The unsettling thing that you try not to think about is, this is...pretty much your life now. You've been trying to make the most of it, and you're sure Kankri still is too...

You try not think about things too much on your walk back to the hive, your grip on your matesprit's hand marginally tighter than usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This a little rushed, I know. But it was supposed to be a prompt fill, so I tried to keep things from getting away from me.


	17. You're Just Saying That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Things you said that i wish you hadn't"

It took you some time to notice it, definitely. Like most things concerning your fickle lover, there was always more going on beneath the surface that you couldn't quite discern. But the more you caught him doing it, the more it gradually started to bother you. 

Kankri Vantas, you realized, is incapable of taking compliments. Okay, maybe not incapable. But honestly, he makes you feel like he is, half the time. 

You didn’t think much of it at first, the way he scoffed and rolled his eyes, the way he’d dismiss you. Most times through sarcasm, others through dodging or avoidance. 

You, however, are quite liberal with your flattery. So it didn’t take  _too_ long for you to realize that he was shooting down your words nearly every time you tried. It took you some time to understand why, but it was never something that sat well with you to begin with. 

Kankri Vantas seemed haughty. He carried himself with an officious air. You could see it in the way he talked, in the way he held those around him to a higher standard. His poise made him an intimidating figure, but it was also what you found so captivating about him. 

And yet, because of all of this, it didn’t quite occur to you that those high expectations also turned themselves inward. 

It makes sense in hindsight, really. Kankri wants everything to be perfect, idealized, orderly. You’ve seen it first hand enough times, how he reacts when things don’t work that way. Because more often than not, they don’t. People are flawed, and inevitably, they make mistakes, they fail. You always thought it was a perfectly normal thing to accept. 

You still don’t  _quite_ fully understand how deep this issue runs with him. But you’ve gotten glimpses. It’s plain to see in the way he works himself into the ground, in the way he never forgives himself for even the slightest of mistakes. 

You also don’t really get just what goes through his head that makes him so dismissive of your compliments. There’s a lot about Kankri that you don’t fully comprehend. Like most things of that nature though, you find yourself getting frustrated. 

You don’t think he quite believes you’re lying to him. Or at least, you hope he doesn’t, because you are most certainly not. It hits you in the heart, though, when you see someone you care about so much blowing off what you feel to be the genuine truth. 

He does it indirectly, like many other things, but sometimes it really feels like he might as well just be saying it out loud. 

‘You’re just saying that.’ ‘You’re wrong.’ ‘I don’t believe you.’

‘I’m not good enough.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with how this turned out...


	18. Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this is supposed to be. But here it is.

You’ve found something about it to be bittersweet, really: waking up in the morning. Not on a normal basis by any means, no. But the occasional case of your mind stirring awake before the nagging call of the dreaded alarm clock, something about it leaves you feeling differently than the unpleasantness one would have expected from losing out on sleep.

And really, that’s always something you could use more of. You would never admit it to the overbearing force that is your best friend and boyfriend combined, but you do recognize some validity in their concerns over your sleeping habits. Perhaps you pull too many all-nighters, stay up a little later than a person should on average. You also may just indulge in slightly more caffeine than would be responsible to compensate.

You digress.

Regardless, once you actually will yourself to sleep, your body feels like it can never get enough, and there’s nothing you dread more than the repulsive shrill screech of the clock perched upon your nightstand.

So you would think, naturally, waking up of your body’s own accord before you absolutely needed to would be the last thing you could ever want. Though, contrary to your expectations (and common sense), it’s a bit of a…different, experience for you.

Once you open your eyes for the first time, your lids slowly and lazily fluttering open to a room dully lit by the rising sun cracking through dark curtains, you don’t dare open them again. No, you squeeze them shut, refusing to even lean over to wearily glance at bright red numbers on a small screen, just waiting to deliver your sentence to responsibility.

Rather than seeing how much time you have left, you opt to enjoy it while you have it. The sensible option would be to try and fall asleep again, but no, your restless mind already saw fit to send you into a waking state, and rarely ever grants you the luxury of passing out again once it has.

Instead, you lie there, tangled up almost too closely with a larger, warm body next to yours. You don’t move a muscle, partially out of little desire to, and partly to avoid disturbing the sleeping form with his arms caged around you.

It’s almost like you’re frozen in time. It seems odd to describe it that way, with a clock literally counting down your impending need to rise out of bed not even an arm’s reach away. But just for a moment, however long or short it may be, it feels like the world has stopped around you and you alone.

Lying there, comfortable or otherwise, sometimes it feels like you never want to move, like you never want the moment to end, if you were given the choice. At most, the only sounds you hear are your own breathing, maybe the evenly paced inhale and exhale of your lover, depending on your proximity, which is more often than not close enough.

You don’t look up at him, or even shift to try and make yourself comfortable. You’d like to imagine that his face must look so peaceful in deep sleep, but you prefer to stay in your would-be stasis, eyes firmly shut, as if you’re blocking out the world.

Maybe that’s the part you actually like about the occurrence, whenever it may happen. Something about it, just lying still like that, it makes you feel like nothing else is there. Like your whole existence extends beyond nothing but you and the arms wrapped securely around your waist.

You don’t have to think about anything, don’t have to worry. In the waking world, that’s essentially all you ever do. You worry, and fuss, and stress over everything. It’s who you are.

But like this, even if it’s only for a moment, it feels like you don’t have to. In the back of your mind, you know its coming. The harsh, jarring ring that’s going to demand you leave the comfort of your bed and face the responsibilities you burden yourself with.

But until then, you don’t have to. You don’t have to face the world. You don’t have to think about your obligations or your stress. You don’t need to concern yourself with expectations, your own or other’s. You don’t have to think about anyone else, even the man whose arms you’re lying in

And really, even if it’s just for an unsure, fleeting moment, for once it makes you feel like you can be at peace.


	19. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Things you didn't say at all."

You exhale a heavy breath, not even looking ahead of you as its warmth is sapped into the bitter, unseasonable cold of the night air surrounding you. Your reddening hands rub at the edges of your sleeves, tracing over faint raised goosebumps on your skin, your arms barely crossed as if to insinuate that you’re trying to hold yourself. Your gaze is downcast, lingering on your partially uncovered legs against the unforgiving icy steel of the park bench you've situated yourself on.

It’s not silent, but you’ve conditioned yourself to tune out what little noise there is; the occasional car passing by, the faint chirping of crickets somewhere off in the bushes. There don’t seem to be any other people out and about, though. There might have been a passerby or two, but likely no more than that at this hour. Not that would you have noticed. The only thing you would register would be the approaching sounds of steps against the hard pavement of the sidewalk just behind you. 

Or perhaps not, because somehow, you only just became aware of the fact that someone is moving to stand right in front of you. 

Your gaze snaps up to take in the sight of him, hands in his pockets and his eyes cast off to the side, looking not unlike yourself not even a few seconds ago, and it occurs to you that you don’t think you have ever seen him looking this unsure before. 

You knew he was coming, but despite that, you had managed to get lost in your own head again, alone under the gloomy overcast of clouds denying even the moon and the stars the right to see you looking so pathetic. 

Of course he would come. Because you told him to. This isn’t some picture perfect scene out of a romance novel. You knew that once you had gone out, you could have sat exactly where you are near indefinitely, not moving a muscle, and no one would know where to look. This spot has no significance to you. No one in your immediate circle of friends and family even knew why you decided to fall off of the face of the earth for three quarters of the day. Something about the thought only leaves you feeling colder inside, but you try to convince yourself that the weather is the only cause of your discomfort.

Even you realized that you were only vaguely sure of where you were and why you were there, when whatever willful part of you that decided to drag you here allowed you to finally take your phone out of your pocket to tell him where he could find you. Now that he’s here, he doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself. 

You don’t blame him.

“Kanny....?” You can hardly tell if his voice is questioning, not with how lost he looks right now. You have a brief thought that you probably don’t appear much better yourself, but you don’t give it any merit. 

He’s looking at you now, and you realize that, even before he was, you were still trying to avoid his gaze. Your eyes move to the empty spot beside you, the gesture barely even a nod, but he somehow takes the cue to sit down regardless. 

You lean into his side almost immediately, despite no real desire to do so on your part. With how confused and concerned he looks, you figured he was probably going to fidget and wonder what to do the same way he was when he was standing up. 

He moves an uncertain arm around your shoulders, and you almost breathe a sigh at the gesture. You might not have noticed quite how cold you were if not for the warmth you’re leeching off of him right now. 

He doesn’t say anything. Really, you aren’t surprised. What  _could_  he say right now? If anything, you would be the one expected to explain yourself in this situation. 

But you just don’t have any words for him. Not even just for Cronus, for anyone, really. Not even for yourself. You have no idea what you’re doing, what you’re going to do, or what’s wrong with you right now. 

You know your silence is probably telling in and of itself, by this point. But it’s the only answer you have, and the only one you’re willing to give. 


	20. When you kissed me

You almost can’t believe it when he pulls away, your eyes so wide you fear they might fall out of your skull. You’re gaping at him when he steps away, the feather-light feeling of his unsure lips against yours and the warmth of his hand on your face still fresh in your shocked mind.

Before you can even process what was just a simple, almost too quick peck on the lips, he’s speaking to you again, pulling you back to reality and out of whatever stupor he’s left you in.

“I had a really good time tonight…” He sounds so shy, suddenly, and you feel so strange looking at him like this, bashful and blushing as he pulls at his sleeves, barely looking at you and shuffling ever so slightly on his feet outside the door. It strikes you as so odd, not only because you’re seeing the normally harsh, cold Kankri Vantas looking so coy, but also because he managed to knock you out of your senses with a kiss so fleeting and innocent it could hardly be called one.

“I’m glad, chief,” you attempt to pull yourself together and answer him, but it feels much harder than usual to put up your charms, and you sincerely hope you aren’t stumbling as much as you feel you are.

He only nods in response, lifting his eyes to meet yours, and you swear it takes you every bit of willpower you have not to just shatter on the spot at the smile he gives you, nervous, but filled with a kind of warmth you haven’t even dreamed of seeing from him.

He takes a step backwards, placing an unsteady hand on the doorknob, and addressing you one last time before stepping inside.

“We should do this again, sometime.”

Then before you know it, he’s inside, leaving you there with butterflies welling up in your chest, and you suddenly feel a little out of place by yourself.

You can hardly believe how well that went, when barely even a month ago you didn’t think you’d even score a date with him. But here you are, after dropping him off from what you would call a good night out together, drawn to a close with a kiss, no less.

It has you a little unnerved, how easily he just rendered you speechless. That was not your first kiss by any means, and it was barely even enough of one to speak of. And yet you can still hear your heartbeat thrumming in your ears.

You had no problems admitting to yourself that you liked Kankri Vantas. You might just be a little…taken aback, is all. Nothing you can’t handle. Besides, it’s not like it’s a problem.

He just confirmed a second date, after all.


	21. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory Fourth of July fic

****If you were to be perfectly honest with yourself, summer was never really your season – the high temperatures, the seemingly unending swarms of pests and insects, not to mention the humidity, which certainly didn’t do your unruly hair any favors.

So it’s not really surprising in the least to say that you found the holidays of this dreadful season to be no different. The Fourth of July, being no exception. You don’t consider yourself the antithesis of a patriot, but you also don’t exactly agree with most things that transpire on the American socio-political scene. Not only that, large crowds of people and loud noises aren’t exactly high on your list either. All of this considered, it would be perfectly reasonable to anyone for you to say that you do not celebrate.

This year, however, you have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who is not only extremely extroverted, but also has a family that for whatever reason demands your presence at every event he is to be expected at. And so, when you were dragged from your apartment at the behest on an invitation to celebrate the Fourth at the Ampora’s countryside estate, you were not exactly in any position to refuse.

Now, you find yourself huddled against your knees on the uncomfortable grass, waiting impatiently for Cronus to return to your side. There’s a quite a few people around, waiting under the clear night sky for the display to begin. Most are idly chattering amongst themselves. You think you can hear Eridan nearby with his father. You don’t know who most of these people are, really. You barely even know Cronus’s immediate relatives all that well, but they still insisted upon having you here.

You haven’t watched fireworks in ages. Not since you were much younger, when your family was more cohesive. You remember getting along with your brother better too, back then…

You look up from the patch of grass you’ve been staring at, the touch of a hand on your shoulder bringing you out of your distracted thoughts. Really, it’s not hard for your mind to wander, especially when you don’t exactly want to be here. Doing things with his family has always made you feel out of place more than anything, and the uncomfortable weather isn’t helping.

You’re met with a wide grin and bright eyes looking down at you, and his hand retreats to grab and offer a refreshment to you. You accept the cold drink graciously, but opt not to take any of it yet, as your boyfriend settles onto the ground next to you, slinging an arm around your side.   
  
“Miss me?” he asks playfully, and you don’t even need to look up at him to know he still has that ever-present grin on his face.

“More than I can say,” you quip, feeling a little inwardly guilty at how much your exasperation with the evening is showing through your voice. He just laughs it off, however, pulling you closer to him with his arm wrapped around your waist.

You’re a little uneasy with his touches like this, so many unfamiliar people around to look at the two of you this way. Cronus has assured you more than enough times that your family is well aware of your relationship, and you’ve already been properly introduced. Perhaps it’s just your normal distaste for P.D.A. in general. You digress.

“Shows gonna start soon,” he comments almost absent mindedly, and when you turn to face him again you find that his eyes have been on you this entire time. He has a habit of doing that, staring at you. Sometimes you wonder what’s going through his head when he does.

You only hum affirmatively in response, trying to make yourself more comfortable. You’re not really enjoying the transfer of body heat in the already high temperatures, but you find that you don’t mind the closeness so much if you just don’t think about the other people around you.

“This is your first one in a long time, yeah?” He asks, eyes moving up to the horizon now, instead of lingering on you. Probably because you’re looking at him, now.

“It’s been a few years,” you mutter your understatement in response. Really, it’s been longer than you can remember. Your enjoyment for gatherings like this was dampened ages ago. Both Karkat and yourself have been more withdrawn since then. You always felt a small pang of guilt at how hard your father tried to make things work for holidays like this, but some things were just never the same…

You’ve shifted yourself more closely to him, now, his hand trailing up and down the bare skin of your arm. Your head snaps up at the sound of a harsh whistling filling the air, and you’re looking forward just in time to catch the bursting of color in the sky, accompanying the booming clap of the explosion.

More start coming with the first, all varying in size, shape, color and sound. You’re surprised at how they have your attention captured like this, having expected to be just as bored during this part of the evening as the rest of it. But your eyes are almost locked forward, taking in the bright lights and the fizzling trails of smoke.

The arm around your body jostles you, suddenly, and you turn to face Cronus, his face lit up with excitement as he grabs your attention.

“The finale’s about to start, babe!”

Your attention moves back to the sky, already cloaked in a thin veil of smoke, when countless fireworks are cast off. One after another, in much more rapid succession than before, they detonate together, overlapping to fill the dark of the night with blazing lights and thundering bangs.

You almost didn’t notice it before, but as you sit watching them, breathing in the musk of the pyrotechnic smoke and seeing the colors dance, you felt your throat tightening up slightly. You swallow thickly, eyes growing warm as you’re hit with a wave of bittersweet memories from a time you remember being so much happier over things like this. When you were cradled in your mother’s lap, looking up at the same night sky with awe and wonder as she held your small hands in her own.

You’re not looking up anymore by the time the noise has died down, finding yourself overcome by the unexpected rush of emotion.

“So,” Cronus nudges you once more, looking down at you with a bright smile lighting his face “what’dya think?”

You don’t look up to face him, despite his words. You still feel a lingering tightness gripping your chest, prompting you to wrap your arms around him, as if in an attempt to sturdy yourself. You almost wish the suffocating sounds of the fireworks would come back, so he wouldn’t be able to hear how quiet your voice sounds when you do answer him.

“It was beautiful.”


	22. Not-So-Lazy Days

Even from a distance, you can still always see the way his body sags with relief as your car rolls into the loop. He’s already standing on the edge of the pavement, early as he usually is, tired eyes scanning the campus roadways as he awaits your promised arrival. You keep a pleasant grin on your face as you pull up to him, glancing out the window as he immediately steps around to deposit his bag in the backseat.

Despite his obvious fatigue, he doesn’t let his weight drop down into the passenger seat as you know he’d like to. He still forces himself to be proper, sitting up straight and quietly, eyes forward as he buckles himself in.

By the time you start driving again, the aroma of coffee seems to have reached him, as he’s glancing between you and the cup holder. You grin wider at him through your peripheral, not taking your eyes off the road. You don’t need to look to know that he’s accepting the offering with a resigned sigh of exhaustion. You try to pick him up something every day, because that’s what a good boyfriend does. And you’ve found that caffeine is a gift that Kankri puts up the least resistance in accepting. You aren’t sure if it’s the long workday weakening his pride, or just his penchant for the substance in general. Either way, it’s the least you can do for him.

It’s quiet between the two of you as you drive, but you don’t mind in the least. He’s exerted enough of his energy elsewhere, and you get to talk to him plenty other times. So for now, you’re content with just looking over to him every so often at traffic stops, coffee nestled between pale hands as he listlessly glances out the window.

The ride isn’t short, but it’s not too long either, and before too much time has passed you’re both climbing out of your respective seats. You’ve already reached into the back to grab his bag for him, a gesture that would normally prompt open displays of annoyance and attempts to assert stubborn independence, now only met with a tired grumble. You only flash him a smile in return, shutting your door as you walk ahead of him, your keys already positioned to unlock your apartment.

He follows after you, his steps inside much less controlled and purposed than they usually are as he walks around you. He toes off his shoes, still clutching his coffee, his head lowered as he practically shuffles his way to the couch. This time, he finally lets himself go, plopping his slight weight down into the cushions with a definite sigh of pure exhaustion. His head rolls back, gaze trained on the ceiling, his arms at either side of his deflated form, one of them still loosely holding on to the beverage that he couldn’t even be bothered to set on the table just in front of him. His eyes are barely opened, now, dark circles displayed prominently against a light complexion.

You chuckle to yourself, not joining him just yet as you slip your own shoes off. You can’t help but think about how he looks just as he does in the morning, in the scant few moments he has before he has to depart for work again. You’re always the one to see him along on his little journey of misery, but it’s not a bother to you in the least. And you certainly don’t mind helping him unwind after he’s come full circle like this.

“I’ll order something in for dinner, babe,” you call over your shoulder as you head towards your shared bedroom to drop off his things. You try to stifle any further laughter when he only responds with a lifeless groan. You know he’d normally complain about being frivolous, but you also know that he’s in no position to turn down the comfort food that he very obviously needs, even if he doesn’t have it in him to complain.

You aren’t bothered, really, by any of it. Because you know that he’s worked hard, and he has a right to be tired. Besides, after some rest and junk food, you know he’ll curl up next to you on the couch, possibly with something neither of you are really watching on Netflix in the background, and then he’ll tell you all about the annoying students who ask obvious questions, and the awful excuses he has to hear about unfinished homework, maybe with the occasional complaints of demanding professors thrown in.

And you’re happy to do all of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had much time lately to do anything more than this. I wanted to get some writing done regardless, so I aimed for something simple this time.
> 
> Oh, Kankri is a Graduate Student Teaching Assistant, by the way. In case any of you were wondering.


	23. When You Were Crying

  
“You don’t get it.” You freeze, your lax posture going rigid when you hear your lover’s indignant voice turn more serious behind you. You turn to face him, confusion and worry apparent on your features as you start to inwardly panic. 

You were just messing with him over footing the bill for a night out, something you had done countless times before, but now his tone has you scared that you’ve made the easy mistake of taking things too far. 

“Kanny?” Your voice is hesitant and small, reflecting your uneasiness with the situation. 

He just sighs in response, the sound coming out almost as an exasperated huff more than anything. He continues to speak in the same upset tone, voice beginning to waver as he avoids your eyes. 

“It’s not funny, alright?” His arms cross in front of himself, his hands resting on his elbows as if he was trying to hold his own body in them. 

“Babe, I...” You trail off, feeling a pang of guilt as you struggle to form words in your head. You never know how to handle situations like this, and it makes you feel terrible. 

“Whenever I try to pay for things by myself, when I get mad about you spending money on me...” He continues, voice growing thick, and even though he’s looking away from you you can still make out the glint of tears gathering in his eyes that makes your heart sink. 

“This isn’t how I wanted it to be,” he goes on, his composure beginning to slip, words cascading out of him as tears start to roll down his cheeks. “I was supposed to be taking care of myself by now. I was going to be independent and finally doing something with my life.”

You can do nothing but stare dumbstruck at him at his words, your stomach turning and your heart breaking from listening to him like this. You didn’t think you were bothering him that much with your prodding....

“I was going to try and make things easier for Karkat and my father but I can’t.” He’s sobbing now, his frame shaking as he tries to hold himself together. “I can’t do anything. You take care of everything. I’m only spending any money at all so that I can pretend I’m doing something but I’m not.” 

Your eyes widen slightly at that, and his eyes snap up to yours as regret flashes on his face. You don’t give him a moment to dwell on it, however, walking up to him immediately, looping an arm around him to firmly tug him against you. 

You can still feel him shaking in your arms, but he’s mostly quiet now, likely trying to stifle his tears. Eventually, he moves his own arms to wrap around your torso, and you feel his face shift to rest against your chest.

“I’m sorry....” 

His voice is faint, muffled by the fabric of your shirt, and you aren’t entirely sure what he’s apologizing for, but you have a slight idea that it’s probably over letting his emotions slip in front of you. 

“Kanny, baby,” you hush him, hands rubbing slow circles against his back “No, it’s alright doll. I should be the one apologizing, I didn’t mean to...” 

You don’t have it in you to finish the thought, so you just hold him closer, probably to the point of squeezing him by now. 

“It’s alright, babe,” you say to him, voice cautious but soft as you lean down to nuzzle his hair. “You don’t have to be there yet. You work so hard every day. It’s gonna pay off for you, love. I know it.”

You do your best to be comforting as you cling to him, feeling horribly guilty for setting him off like this in the first place. If you had known he was that upset by it...

He sighs, more tired this time, and his body slumps slightly against yours.

“Thank you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to think of what Kankri would cry over for this prompt. 
> 
> He takes his independence very seriously.


	24. Morning Lullbaies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You are beautiful and peaceful this way_

There are few things you think you can enjoy more, than a lazy Saturday morning. You yourself had few responsibilities to burden you, little to worry about in this world. No, your reasons to look forward to the weekend are of a different kind, mostly related to the sleeping weight on your arm. 

You stir as little as you can when you awake, not daring to disturb the precious scene you would give almost anything to preserve. Slowly being able to crack open your own eyes, to look down at the mess of dark hair frayed out next to you, to feel the numbness and warmth of him laying over half of your body–there’s nothing else you’d rather see at the start of any day. 

Normally, at the beck of the dreaded weekday mornings, you’re both harshly jarred from slumber by the screeching of an unforgiving alarm, summoning Kankri to the call of his obligations that he can’t ignore. But being able to wake up on your own like this, it brings benefits that far outweigh the simple comfort of not being dragged out of bed against your will. 

You’re no stranger to waking up before him naturally, and that is something you will forever be thankful for. Because being able to just watch him like this fills your chest with a sensation of warmth you can’t pin down, almost as if it’s spreading from the weight of his body against yours. 

He looks so at peace, his eyes gently closed, unkempt locks just barely ghosting fallen lids. You have to resist the temptation to trace the rays of light that lay patterns over his face with your fingers, lest you stir him awake and cut such an intimate moment short. Instead, you gently trace the curve of his side with your tired hand underneath him, a movement that you know won’t be enough to pull him from his rest. 

You don’t get to see him like this often, and he would scoff at you without a doubt if you ever said it, but you almost think this is when he’s most beautiful to you. You’re so used to seeing your lover stressed, tense, and unfortunately, unhappy, usually in a way that’s so subtle you never would have noticed before. So to have him like this, in a state where he isn’t plagued by his own merciless expectations, it’s something you could never take for granted. Knowing that you’re the only person in the world who gets to experience this, you wouldn’t give up moments like these for anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, who needs stories with actual substance when you have me?


End file.
